Kate Stone Lombardi was worried that her son’s marriage would affect their relationship. With experience under her belt, she reports on what really happens

My son, Paul, and I have always been close. In fact when he was younger, I wrote a book about the mother-son bond. But before he got married to his long-time sweetheart Afroz, I wrote an article about my worries that I might lose my son after they got hitched. I wanted to figure out how to be a good mother-in-law.
I was confident in my prediction—we would stay close. Paul is a wonderful son, and I assumed he’d be a wonderful husband. Love was not a zero-sum game. It would be easy. Of course all this bravado belied a basic truth: I knew exactly nothing about what it would be like.
When my story appeared, I was struck by the wide variety of comments, some of them describing heartbreaking estrangement between formerly close mothers and sons. A few wondered how it turned out after Paul was married. Well, the answer is: I’m still learning.
Back then, Paul and Afroz hadn’t even picked out a wedding venue. And as the wedding plans progressed, I started to understand my … I was about to write “diminished” role, but that’s not accurate. My “different” role is a better description.

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